do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
