I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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