Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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