2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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