i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize