i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
