so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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