my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize