where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
