After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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