I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
