i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
