Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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