after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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