I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize