I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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