just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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