unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
