I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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