I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize