She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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