fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize