Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize