What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am midnight drunk by noon
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
