How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
