WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
