Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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