There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
