also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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