like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize