found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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