So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize