I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if only i could text you this smell
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
