What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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