guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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