And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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