while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
