she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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