yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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