her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
