i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
