And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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