Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
