I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
