Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
