Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
