So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
