I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
