dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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