im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
