i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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