I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
