I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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