You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
