Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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