You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
