At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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