I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
