Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
