I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
