The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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