your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
