i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
