I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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