Just fell off a train. Bad.
I could make wine with my vomit
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
