Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
