it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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