even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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