Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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