so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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