True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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