all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
